Stand Up for Shitting

SURVIVOR was awesome tonight, even though technically it was awesome last Thursday, when it actually aired. But who cares? Ok, first they do a reward challenge where they BUILD a fucking BATHROOM. I love "construction." And I love BATHROOMS, as much as do the Japanese, who sell commodes that weigh your ass and check your blood pressure. Whether they know as well as I do that a rounder ben-jo offers more sworling downward thrust than an ellipitical one is another issue. But I know one thing the Japanese don't: Republicans and rightwingers care far more about shitting than Democrats and left wingers. You mean to tell me there's no left leaning individual who will stand up for shitting? And then for the immunity challenge ... get this: An OCTOGON style brawl, during which "the gay" kicked the redneck's ass twice with a nasty ass pillow. What's more, then I got to see that Ultimate Fighter show on the "guy network." What's it called? Zap, or Stick, or .... hold on, I honestly can't remember the name of that goddamned network. Pride? Zip? Why am I thinking there's a "z" in the name? Ignite? Shark? Attack? SPIKE!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YEAH.

Le Danse Macabre

All I can say is FUCK YEAH.

Princess Leia Sucks

Or: Evidence that Carrie Fisher is Eggy.

I've been summoned to wave my shitrag iteratively at CNN.
Thus are collected the sententiae of DER CANER.
In other words, SPECIAL CONTEST NUMBER TWO, MOTHERFUCKERS!

THERE WILL BE A WINNER WHEN THIS QUESTION IS ANSWERED!

What precisely is this cop Lieutenant -- he who holds things in lieu (see, another example . . . ) of the primary possessor -- trying to say?:

"They did such a good job that we were able to use evidence before anyone had
any inkling of what technology would do -- that they did the job so well then
that we could do our job now," Landwehr said.

Full story is here. Haha, no it's not. It's really here.

CNN SUCKS! Or, BIGGER is BETTER.

Yes, it is awesome that the bones of a GIANT PANDA were discovered in a tomb – A FUCKING TOMB – in China. It’s BAD REPORTING to omit explaining HOW BIG was the creature. And if you don’t have dimensions, then MAKE SOMETHING UP, and make it BIG.

Yes, it is awesome that the SKULL of an Antient Crocko’dille was discovered. It is BAD REPORTING to fail to mention HOW BIG was the creature. And if you don’t have dimensions, so what? Just give us a sketch of a HUGE CROC and be done with it.

On an unrelated note, would that the legislators in the USofGay were half as smart or educated as the Palestinian officials.

GBDH OUT.

Spumeus Purificatione

Think back to Stucky's, any Stucky's, in remembrance of the days of liquid soap in hues of bile. Think no more! For whoever patented those "Gojo" soap dispensers that issue FOAMED soap is a fookin genius and has restored dignity to the best of Judaeo-Christian ablutions.

De Ablutiones

I am trying to be more like Austin.
I forgot what a shower could do.
I’ll eat any free pizza.
Tell what it was.
Tell Pat about my katas.
Kiss my car.
Let it do what it does.
Can't see the floor for the flow.
Joan away from Joan.
Whistle and be Wes.
You're the one who loses the phone.

Rock n' Roll Question of the Day

Who is the lead singer for Van Halen? Think deeply on this one, and answer in reference to the Van Halen of 1983. While you are ruminating, also ask yourself, Are the first 10 minutes of a live show REALLY the best time to offer a drum solo?

Well, the answer surely is not David Lee Roth, the mangey chicken on the stage too winded to crow, "baby won’t you look my way." It’s MICHAEL ANTHONY (FAT ASS) singing all the damn songs!

Van Halen live sucks. They used midgets on stage. They played "nothing songs" for half the time, shit you don't ever know or want to hear. And Roth's performance, even in 1983, was like Axel Rose's at the MTV music awards in 2003 -- sucking air, and therefore shit, pointlessly. And worst of all is the banter with the audience, which allows Diamond to resuscitate himself: "Southern California is THE BEST! I just can't believe how GREAT you are. Let me hear how GREAT you are!"

And check your piss: I went and bought Van Halen's first album with my brother in 1978 and even learned Eruption on the guitar in 1984. That's how fucking stupid I am.

But the albums are cool. Fair Warning was my favorite mall walking album.

It's now OFFICIAL: Australia is NOT an Island WINS!!!

The SORDID LIES of the Australia is BOTH an Island & Continent Movement are definitively revealed! For more read on!

"They" believe that Madagascar is a Continent,
that Europe is really just a series of peninsulas off western Asia,
that Siberia and Alaska are THE SAME,
that Africa is NOT a Continent,
and that Americas are different Continents!!!

Tell your neighbors and call your Congressman IMMEDIATELY.

A, E, I, O, U, and Sometimes Australia!!!

The results are in! An Australian Governmental Official (see email below and especially the first, authoritative link) has given an acceptable answer that furthers the cause of the Australia IS a Continent Not Some Fucking Island movement. There's more to it than that. But who cares? It's a Continent not some stupid Island. Madagascar ain't no damned Continent.

YAY!

* * * *

Date: Fri, 11 Feb 2005 10:08:05 +1100
From: Mike Maslen
<Mike.Maslen@deh.gov.au>


General opinion is that Australia is both the world's largest island and the
world's smallest continent. I found a reasonable web article on this
at http://users.erols.com/jcalder/CONTISLAND.html
although there are many more that are probably more authoritative on this.
One better source may be from Geoscience Australia at http://www.ga.gov.au/ Hope this helps.

Environmental Resources Information Network

Australian Government
Department of Environment &
Heritage

GBDH 11/02/2005 1:51:12 am
>>>

Query: Is Australia an Island or not? I know it's a continent, but if it's a continent, can it be called an island? I am having a debate about this with a friend who's a geographer, and as a [SECURITY CIRCLER], I need a definitive answer to win this
argument, since my only source is my 7th grade Social Studies teacher from 1981. Which is why I am asking you.
Many thanks.
[HERR GBDH]

Please reply at:
[GOLDBLACKDEVILHEAD]

xXX Two Degrees to Uninhabitable Earth XXx

I think we are absolutely FUCKED. Please read this entire article. Do it. We are FUCKED. And make sure you get your dose of Creationist bullshit: "Some people think that dinosaurs were too big, or there were too many of them, to go on this Ark. However . . . ."

HOW the fuck EVER?