Subject: Order status, neck-crackingNot sure if a "needle beam" is what the MAG is after. The description of the "neoza pine" (Pinus gerardiana) sounds especially promising not only in its description of a deep, wide, and erected thing with a presumably large crown ("The trees are 10-20 [-25] m tall with usually deep, wide and open crowns with long, erect branches") but in its Latinity, which renders audible a pun: pinus, penis. Trouble is, you wouldn’t know this unless you were a Latinist from "northwestern Himalaya in eastern Afghanistan, Pakistan, Kashmir and northwest India," hanging out "at elevations between 1800-3350 m." At any rate, the deal breaker is the cone:
Subject: Order status, meter-candle
Subject: Order status, oak-beam
Subject: Order status, papyrus column
Subject: Your cash, pearl-headed
Subject: Hi, narrow-hipped
Subject: Hi, morro castle
Subject: Your future, olive-complexioned
Subject: Your future, mortise gauge
Subject: Your health, parkin baker
Subject: Your money, noun equivalent
Subject: Your cash, neoza pine
Subject: Your cash, needle beam
Subject: Your cash, Paleo-american
One can’t quite project that image onto one’s investment, unless you are from planet Zoron, where the males have many pointed penises in a cluster -- all of which accrue a natural varnish at maturity and which during mating forever lodge themselves within their fitting dentated vessel.
But "Paleo-american" works, because it reminds one of Clive Owen in the film, Closer, when he yells at Julia Roberts’s character: BECAUSE I AM A FUCKING CAVE MAN!!!
Only one SPAM has the balls to be specific about penises: "Subject: There is no need to insure your penis when you try Penis Enlarge Patch." . . . . And I was just about to take out a policy on my oak-beam of a papyrus column cum meter-candle so that I may enjoy a romantic retreat at the Morro Castle with my neck-cracking morro castle.