Friday, April 27, 2007

Dick made me do it

“a dick’ll make you slap somebody. . . dick’ll make you lose control . . . dick’ll make you pull a gun and shoot somebody in the damn face”:

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Vagina Power with Alexyss Tylor

Question of the day:

Shrimp from Long John Silver's or mouth full of sperm?

For all you "cum freaks" out there who are "hooked on cumming," this is fucking classic in every way.

Who doesn't love Atlanta Cable Access doesn't love penis power, "doesn't hit the walls and work the middle," doesn't know that "all penises aren't created equal."

Hitting the bottom with best regards,
and with thanks to deepdisco,


Monday, April 16, 2007

Fucking Monkeys

Recent work on MONKEY THEORY is given the prestigious GOLDBLACK rating by GBDH:

Choice quotes from a recent NYT article:

If two males fail to make up, female chimpanzees will often bring the rivals together, as if sensing that discord makes their community worse off and more vulnerable to attack by neighbors. Or they will head off a fight by taking stones out of the males’ hands.

Young rhesus monkeys learn quickly how to behave, and occasionally get a finger or toe bitten off as punishment. Other primates also have a sense of reciprocity and fairness. They remember who did them favors and who did them wrong. Chimps are more likely to share food with those who have groomed them.

Frans B. M. de Waal: “The profound irony is that our noblest achievement — morality — has evolutionary ties to our basest behavior — warfare. The sense of community required by the former was provided by the latter.”

GBDH: "Research has shown that it's bad security to blow a load in your wife, willy nilly."

Other Scholarship on Monkey Theory is awarded the extremely prestigious "GOLDBLACKDEVIL" certificate:

Frans. B. M. de Waal, Primates and Philosophers: How Morality Evolved, ed. Stephen Macedo and Josiah Ober, Robert Wright, et alii (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2006).

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Spear Jamie Spears

Have you heard of this girl?

Why on earth, with all the uproar over that two-bit, ersatz busker by the name of Brittany, isn't anyone talking about fucking Jamie Lynn Spears?

Literally . . .

Friday, April 13, 2007

DIE MONSTER DIE V: Avian Attempts

(CBS) CHICAGO A bird appears to have flown into and damaged the engine of Vice President Dick Cheney's plane as it arrived in Chicago Friday morning.

The plane landed safely, and no one was hurt....


More birds next time, more birds!

What, you birds are getting soft on terror?

Monday, April 02, 2007

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Matthew Dowd: Once a Bushie Always a Bushie

Dear Mr. Matthew Dowd,

You were Bush’s chief campaign strategist for 2004. I am so glad you finally fucking woke up, you goddamn moron.

Leading up to the 2004 election, there were so, so many failures in the Bush administration, and now after helping that idiotic and illiterate asshole get re-elected, you say: "I had finally come to the conclusion that maybe all these things along do add up."

Maybe? Ya think?

Fuck you.

Here’s to wishing you wiped your ass-for-a-brain in 2003. Thanks for helping ruin this country. Thanks for your soulless bullshit. You will be long hated after your apologies.