RUSH IN CONCERT! LIVE!!! AT THE HI-FI BUYS ARENA!!!

Fuck it. I just bought RUSH tickets for the June 13 show.

Shock & Awe

If you use the expression, "shock & awe," in any sentence other than one proclaiming your plans for absolute military domination or one describing the vapid evils of Donald Rumsfeld and his idiotic ways, I will hate you. Such usages show you are stupid and don't give a shit about anything. In other words, don't be dumb and doughy like Carisa on Top Designer, who used the expression "shock & awe" to characterize her awesome chambre à coucher d'air.

I HATE HER FOR THAT.

SAND EVERYWHERE!!!

In the beginning, there was UHF TV. And it was Son of Svengoolie.

Ubi sunt . . .

Capitalism is Bananas

Colombia May Seek Chiquita Extraditions:
Eight Executives Targeted in Paramilitary Payment Scandal

BOGOTA, Colombia, March 20 -- Colombia's attorney general said Tuesday that his office would try to seek the extradition of eight executives from Chiquita Brands International, the Ohio banana company that last week admitted to paying $1.7 million to right-wing death squads that have killed thousands in this country's long civil conflict.

In deal with the Justice Department, Chiquita last week agreed to plead guilty to doing business with the United Self-Defense Forces of Colombia, a coalition of paramilitary groups whose members have massacred peasants and murdered leftist activists for years. In agreeing to pay a $25 million fine, the company characterized the payments as extortion that helped protect banana workers in the northwest Uraba region near the border with Panama.

For the full story, click here.

Lo Mein? NO, LO MEGADEATH! [sic]

If you own a shitty MOTOROLA silver, sliver phone, try this predictive text experiment. Try to text your friend "Martyn" a quip about his need for Lo Mein and general local boringness. Instead, you will be forced to enter, "LO MEGADEATH." Now what the fuck is that? I can't text fuck, fucking, puss, pussy, shit, ass, asshole, cock, cunt, lo mein, or any of those other fun words. But yeah, there's MEGADEATH in the lexicon waiting to be used when expressing your appetite NAY symphony for destruction. DUCK THAT! And it's not even how you spell that goddamned band's name!

I HATE MY PHONE AND IT'S EVERYONE'S FAULT

I HAVE ZITS

I AM MOODY IN MY ROOM

SHUT UP MOM

Old White Men (OWM)

Is the Empire Carpet Man,
The New Colonel Sanders,
The Orville Redenbacher arriviste?






























Will he be
Wilford Bremley?










WHEN WHEN WHEN
Will he -- this Carpetier -- be erect
In the pantheon of Senescent,
Fluffy White Hucksters of chicken, popcorn,
and stuff for diabetics?

DIE, MONSTER, DIE IV: The Beginning of the End

Libby convicted!

DIE, MONSTER, DIE III

"Cheney treated for blood clot in his leg."

DAMN IT!

DIE, MONSTER, DIE: Part Deux!

Yay, Bill Maher! He could have been more wishful, but not bad.

You look!:

Vice

Some good “DOs and DON’Ts” from VICELAND.
Click ‘em n' laugh and fuckin get into it.

Make sure to participate in the ass-off and VOTE for your favorite!

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Sex

Seven

Eat

Nine

Ten

Those Assmilds at Motorola

My Motorola sliver phone is a piece of shit. It won’t let me be myself in this day and age when I thought that shitty commodities like this were available to help me realize all my potential as an Individual, unique in the items I don and use. For instance, take predictive texting. Just now, in a text message, I was trying to call "Martyn" (fictional name to protect the innocent) a “pussy,” but instead I am constrained to call him a “puppy.” In certain circumstances that name would apply, but really, “pussy” is what I was after. But nooooo I have to choose from “puppy, pupsw, pupsx, pupsy, pupsz, and pups9.” Come the fuck on! If I wanted to call my friend “pups9” and suggest that he is the 9 year old, instant messaging fuck buddy of the retarded Motorola Engineer who designed my predictive text lexicon, then I would have said as much!!!

Some Motorola engineers . . . goddamned this fucking Microsoft shit, this word processing shit called WORD, which capitalizes automatically Microsoft as well as Motorola . . . .

I HATE EVERYTHING