Eggz

For you vegetabletarians, is eating an egg like eating a fingernail, a bio-by-product that doesn't have a face? Or is an egg like a celery stick, ontologically speaking? I ask because this morning, I ate three eggs. Answer as you may, you'll be glad to know that I also devised a new method for extracting shells from the gluey substance that is the raw egg. It's called the two-finger method!

Materials:

3 eggs.
1 fancy pottery'd bowl your wife brought to the merger of households to replace the octagonal bowls you stole from Austin.
2 clean fingers.

Instructions:

Locate the bits of shell by carefully examining the raw egg in the bowl. Take your left finger and pull the raw egg up the edge of the bowl. This procedure should also pull with it the micro-piece of shell, suspended in a slender strip of slime. Then with your right finger, press down on top of the shell-piece firmly and then -- now maintain pressure! -- slide your finger up to the rim of the bowl. The shell should be dislodged from its grave jelly. Safely discard shell piece. Don't wash hands. Touch all doorknobs. And exclaim, THIS SHARK LIKES TO FUCK!