GOLDBLACKDEVILHEAD

FOOFOOFOOFOOFOOFOOFOOFOOM

2011-01-20T01:34:00.002-05:00

EXCUSE ME SIR COULD YOU
PLEASE
BACK
UP

TVV
TVVV
TVV
FOOM
FOOM
FOOM
PVOOM
PVOOM

PSH
PSH
PSH
FOOM
FOOMPVFOOOOM

UNLOAD ON HER

2011-01-20T01:26:00.004-05:00

WE DO LIKE IT IN AND OUT

MANHOLE ON FIRE

2011-01-20T01:21:00.003-05:00

LAST NIGHTS VINDALOO = MANHOLE ON FIRE

Window Stops Streaker In His Tracks

2011-01-13T00:58:00.003-05:00

THAT WINDEX REALLY DOES STOP STREAKING!

AND COME ON MATTHEW ADAMS, STOP BEING A PUSSY BE FUNNY THIS VID IS AN INSTANT CLASSIC YOUVE DONE HUMANITY A FAVOR BY STREAKIN SO STOP FILING COPYRIGHT CLAIMS WITH YOUTUBE WHO HAS PULLED THIS VID DOWN REPEATEDLY YOU DIKFLOPPIN NAKEDMAN ITS ALL IN GOOD FUN

Uncle Whips Nephew On Video For Thugging On Facebook

2011-01-12T23:55:00.001-05:00

WATCH WHERE YOU SWING YOUR INTERNET DICK

Baby Swinging

2011-01-07T16:12:00.004-05:00

IF YOU WANT TO REPRODUCE EITHER YOU MUSTNT OR YOU MUST QUALIFY FOR A LICENSE OR JERKIT OR IN THIS CASE LIVE IN RUSSIA BUT THE MUSIC MAKES IT ALL BETTER AND SPIRITUAL LIKE SO I GUESS ITS OK WHERES MY BABY HARNESS IM FEELING ALL FUCKY:

Ignorant audience. Evil comments.

2011-01-04T22:16:00.003-05:00

FOX NEWS CAN GET FACEFUCKED FOR ALL I CARE WHOS WITH ME CHECK OUT THIS SITE:

Welcome to Fox News Comments! Every post is a real comment pulled from foxnews.com or thefoxnation.com. The "Like" button is from Fox, to show how many people there liked the original comment.

HIT THAT SHIT HERE BY CLICKING

SAMPLE:

I am boycotting Doritos. Sounds to Mexican. I am going all American this year in support of my New Years Revolution.

GUEST COMMENT BY THE WORLDS GREATEST DAD:

if these assholes just worked harder than mexicans and prayed harder than muslims and fucked harder than black dudes they'd have this whole goddamn shitbrained world licked, BUT INSTEAD they jack off all day about obama and mexicans and muslims and doritos and shitty country music and their fat fucking disgusting sugar-soaked spoiled rotten piglet internet kids and their goddamn nuthugging brock lesnar "philosophy" of "life" and their know-nothing XBOX 360 anti-intellectualism while the people they are jacking off about are literally working/praying/fucking circles around a bunch of spoiled crybaby shitbrains who dont know their ass from a hole in the ground SAYETH THE WORLD'S GREATEST DAD

PRAY FOR A FUCKING NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST

Heavy Metal Penguin

2011-01-04T22:14:00.003-05:00

I LIKE ALL BABY ANIMALS EXCEPT JELLYFISH WHICH ARE FUCKING DISGUSTING POLYPS FROM RONALD RAYGUNS ASS

This Force is Strong with this One

2010-12-22T22:27:00.001-05:00

DONT DRINK AND DRIVE BUT THE REST YOU CAN DO LOL FUCKME MAN

Parrot Sings Let the Bodies Hit the Floor

2010-12-22T22:25:00.002-05:00

I STOOD ON PRINCIPAL THAT A BIRD COULD NEVER BE A DOUCHEBAG AND HERE I STAND CORRECTED LIKE AN ASSHOLE:

Feel that Kinection

2010-12-22T22:20:00.003-05:00

ASSTEROIDS AINT WHAT IT USED TO BE LOLOMGROTFL

Cat Vid of the Year 2010

2010-12-05T13:44:00.004-05:00

WATCH THIS FIFTEEN TIMES MEOWWOEM!!!!

Prank Call: A Three Volume Set

2010-12-05T13:37:00.007-05:00

MOIST PEOPLE SAY THEY LIKE THE LAST ONE WHERE HES ALL AGRO
BUT MY FAVORITE IS THE FIRST ONE WATCH THEM ALL FUCKERS

GOTO THIS PAGE TO TRY IT AT HOME:

You know how dogs is

2010-04-09T13:56:00.005-04:00

I FEEL SO ALONE
GONNA END UP A BIG OLE PILE OF THEM BALLS

R.A.E.D. - NO WAY

2010-04-05T11:37:00.007-04:00

AWESOME ITS LIKE THOM YORKS ERASER WITH SHREK STYLINS

Choice vids: Chat Roulette Piano Improv, Crazy Optician, Crazy Weather, and Bob Barker

2010-03-16T12:45:00.003-04:00

Here It Cums

2010-03-05T12:37:00.000-05:00

DIE, MONSTER, DIE! Part VI

2010-02-23T00:08:00.004-05:00

Does this monster even have a heart?

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Former Vice President Dick Cheney was hospitalized on Monday after experiencing chest pains, and his office said he was resting comfortably while doctors evaluated the situation.

Check out the comments, too. Pretty funny.

And originally from Athens, GA, with a great early 90s sounds and look, Die Monster Die:

Tour of Gay Cruising Area at Atlanta's Piedmont Park in 1983

2010-02-15T19:12:00.001-05:00

Brilliant

HORNY FISH

2010-02-04T00:14:00.000-05:00

CHINESE AMAZING

2010-02-04T00:03:00.003-05:00

亲爱的中国垃圾邮件发送者 -
金黑色的魔鬼头会帮助你。他妈的多少呢？高清接口之争!
所有的你的阴茎。

In Praise of Sustain: David & David - Welcome to the Boomtown

2009-10-22T21:34:00.000-04:00

More classic joints for the archive

2009-10-19T14:54:00.003-04:00

Screamo suck:

Funny and sadly true:

Questionable workout:

No explanation needed:

The Salli Saddle

2009-10-17T01:15:00.001-04:00

Gap is needed to keep pressure away from sensitive genitals:

Jigsaw - Sky High (1975) & Pilot - It's Magic (1974)

2009-10-17T00:56:00.009-04:00

Fuck Fakebook. GBDH is back and here to archive the best of internets vid hits! Whatever.

It's time to get the fuck into stuff. You can either fuck stuff or be amazing.

YOU CHOOSE.

Appropriate use of wah-wah pedals (goto :47):

thanks to nyrainbow4 for enabling embedding.

The Hunger

2009-04-03T22:21:00.003-04:00

Watch this video three times. It's excellent. I wish "they" made videos like this nowadays. Great backing track, so listen carefully, and follow all the lovely images:

"A lost love affair, ancient Egypt, pyramids and skies on fire, a young queen, magic, the afterlife, Anubis, the Underworld, Vampires... Music Video fantasy with a story. Lots of CG special effects. Take note, the costumes are deliberate. The muse wears a bit of ancient Egypt in the present... and the Egyptian queen wears something from the future. A clash of worlds and icons. The lead singer is forced to face his inner demons (a parody of vampire symbols). His hair is purposely messed up, his character in chaos. Produced & Directed by James Prince for Astaria Films."

The Babys -- Isn't It time

2009-03-31T00:54:00.001-04:00

Had The Babys kept these three back up singers, they would have done even greater things. As it stands, this is one of the best songs on earth and goes deep into the essence of all things:

Pretty Ricky - Late Night Special

2009-01-31T15:37:00.000-05:00

Get some guys in a room. Proceed to hump.

Jump on Eggs

2009-01-28T11:59:00.001-05:00

I think this is cute.

The Obamas, Fisting, Fox News

2009-01-24T11:29:00.004-05:00

First it was the "terrorist fist jab." Now this:

Good Morning America, How Are You?

2009-01-20T20:59:00.010-05:00

Holy Fuck I Can't Wait!

2009-01-18T22:37:00.003-05:00

Saurophobia: The Love of News

2009-01-16T11:02:00.000-05:00

GodMonster & The Voice

2009-01-14T00:37:00.002-05:00

Neysa Malone - Game Dance

2009-01-07T18:02:00.001-05:00

I'm into it, so get into it.

Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling

2009-01-05T23:01:00.002-05:00

Chew On This

2009-01-04T19:28:00.002-05:00

Yes, we’ve gone overboard with the “bacon” thing, but who can blame us? Bacon is a powerful force and we are but disciples doing our part to spread the gustatory gospel. Each 3-1/4" x 2-1/2" x 3/4" tin contains twenty-two bacon flavored gumballs.

Check out the other delicious products, too!

Wunder Boner

2009-01-03T23:33:00.000-05:00

Part 1. By Idsvil Barva

2009-01-01T15:54:00.001-05:00

PBS and the side fractals of your aura.
Colorized spectrum feather-tips,
exhausted at the actual edge of what we call matter.

I am magnetized by fleeting strollers of capable absorbants,

More so when when the promise is a certain plethora of "On and On..."

That is a better explanation.

Our Bodies, Ourselves

2008-12-31T00:28:00.001-05:00

Romantic Comedies Schmomedies

2008-12-25T21:02:00.003-05:00

[F]ans of films such as Runaway Bride and Notting Hill often fail to communicate with their partner. Many held the view if someone is meant to be with you, then they should know what you want without you telling them. The [study's director] said: "Marriage counsellors often see couples who believe that sex should always be perfect, and if someone is meant to be with you then they will know what you want without you needing to communicate it. "We now have some emerging evidence that suggests popular media play a role in perpetuating these ideas in people's minds.

I’ve always held that everyday TV is far more pernicious and mind deforming – in terms of shaping our psychologies, our responses to our own desires, and that of others, into the most disaffected, disassociated, and phantastic of ways – than the occasional boob, bush, or floppy flaccid phallus seen on screen or on the toob. Honestly. I’ve had enough of digitized tits when shit like Runaway Bride goes uncensored, the producers unmanacled!

And yes, I’d extend this critique to – GASP! – Sex in the City. What are more recent titles?

In Case of Apocalypse....

2008-12-17T12:04:00.002-05:00

If the exposure rate (rads/hr) is known at a given time after an explosion, the calculator predicts the exposure rate at any other time. It also estimates the dose to personnel who are in the area at specified periods of time after the explosion. The back of the slide rule has the (none too clear) instructions.

Cumming & Cooking

2008-12-16T11:37:00.009-05:00

Have a taste for Man Made Oysters?

Creamy Cum Crepes?

Then here's a recipe book for you!
Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes.

Description:

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

Thought for the Day on Orgasmic Labor

2008-12-12T12:54:00.002-05:00

Says Christine Northrup, an OB-GYN and author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom:

When the baby’s coming down the birth canal, remember, it’s going through the exact same positions as something going in, the penis going into the vagina, to cause an orgasm. And labor itself is associated with a huge hormonal change in the body, way more prolactin, way more oxytocin, way more beta-endorphins — these are the molecules of ecstasy.

Isn't parturition AMAZING?

Chris Dane Owens - "Shine On Me"

2008-12-07T00:23:00.003-05:00

This video absolutely has it all. They just don't make 'em like this anymore! Watch it at least 5 times.... Seriously. I did. Maybe 8. Maybe more? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?:

Election 2008 among the Joeja Natives

2008-11-12T11:26:00.005-05:00

Tribal chieftress wears red tights as she charms blond children to save civilization from a benighted Hussein terrorist (above)

As reported in the Banner-Herald:

Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain won the election over Democratic candidate Sen. Barack Obama by a popular vote margin of 423 to 157 on Nov. 4 during a mock election held at Danielsville Elementary School in Northeast Georgia.

"I've loved doing this," fifth-grader Amber Fowler said. "It's been my favorite thing so far this year." "Even better than the zoo?" Manus asked about their field trip to the Atlanta Zoo in October. "Even better than the zoo," Amber said. "I feel actually like I'm 18 and voting."

Well, if this don’t really persuade you that the Republican party is for kids, or aimed at those with the emotive mindset of an uneducated child, then nothing will.

At the event, our branch reporter caught up with THE WORLD’S GREATEST DAD, who loves his son more than anything in the world. He has this to say: “That's right kids: deciding the fate of the World based on your redneck parents' fear of obsolescence and your own ill-conceived and uniformed notions of, well, everything is EVEN BETTER THAN THE ZOO!”

I don't get Proposition 8

2008-11-10T22:41:00.002-05:00

Maybe I do get it. Fucking petty, pussy ass voters.

THANK YOU AMERICA!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-05T10:39:00.010-05:00

And, finally, The Onion headline, "Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress"

WASHINGTON—After emerging victorious from one of the most pivotal elections in history, president-elect Barack Obama will assume the role of commander in chief on Jan. 20, shattering a racial barrier the United States is, at long last, shitty enough to overcome.

Obama's victory is being called the most significant change in politics since the 1992 election, when a full-scale economic recession led voters to momentarily ignore the fact that candidate Bill Clinton had once smoked marijuana. While many believed things had once again reached an all-time low in 2004, the successful reelection of President George W. Bush—despite historically low approval ratings nationwide—proved that things were not quite shitty enough to challenge the already pretty shitty status quo.

Fucktard of the Day: The Undecided Voter & Registered Democrat

2008-11-03T15:06:00.005-05:00

Meet a dumb ass fuck head, Keven Sheen.

"I'm actually still wrestling with moral issues," says the 29-year-old registered Democrat, who voted for George W. Bush in 2004.

WHAT? You fucking tard. Your right to vote should be rescinded! YOU VOTE FOR AN ADORABLE PUPPY BOUND AND GAGGED AND DOWSED IN GASOLINE AND BURNED EVERY DAY BEFORE YOU VOTE FOR MCCAIN/PALIN, MUCH LESS GEORGE FUCKING BUSH!

You big pussy. IIIIIIssues in this one, no doubt.

From a State that May go from Red to Blue: North Carolina

2008-10-31T12:29:00.003-04:00

Rednecks, you can do this. Let's make it happen:

Ohio McCain Voters, AKA Fucktards

2008-10-22T11:35:00.000-04:00

Jan Terri, "Losing You"

2008-10-19T12:47:00.001-04:00

Best music video ever:

McCain/Palin Voters AKA White, Racist, Ugly Assholes

2008-10-18T11:33:00.003-04:00

Were I president, I'd rescind their right to vote without further education and perhaps some torture mixed in for behaving like terrorists:

Mister Farkas: or, "Born to Fuck Your Mother"

2008-09-28T20:27:00.000-04:00

Was? Am

2008-09-26T00:02:00.004-04:00

I'm only now reckoning with the idea that there were rock stars from the 70s and 80s with whom I was in love but only now realize it.

I mean this voice, that face! If you'd just be OBJECTIVE, you'd too would say, FUUUUUUUCK:

This works too, very well, into the 80s. Take it from :39ff.

And ditto, Magic Woman:

I may say more on this later....

The Meaning of "Hockey Mom": More Lipstick, More Pig

2008-09-15T11:30:00.004-04:00

Hockey is the whitest ass sport in the world. Everyone knows that.

So, we ask, Is the phrase “Hockey mom” not a euphemism for “white,” maybe even “blond”, “women” who are urged to vote Rethuglican because there is a black man on the Democratic ticket?

Is it not to characterize the so-called “white ethnics” in terms more specific and explicit than “soccer moms” (which could include Hispanic moms, after all) or “security moms” (which is Every Mom, though with a distinctly conservative, post 9/11 flavor).

You can even hear it. The vowels of this phrase “H ‘eye’ ckey ” “M ‘eye’ m” are meant to signal “midwestern-white-, or rust-belt women, and/or mid-North women from Minnesota and other such states”.

One hears in this phrase, then, the aural equivalent of the imagery of the McCain ad that opens with almost subliminal images of blond celebrity women (Paris and Britney), narrated by that “skeptical” or even “worried” female voice – all to express a certain hyped-up “blond/black,” “white/black” dichotomy.

In other words, it's lipstick on yet another pig -- the whole "black man / blond woman" narrative, which has quite ancient, hysterical, and racist roots in this country.

Country First? : The Lipstick & The Pig

2008-09-14T14:33:00.003-04:00

HERBERT
Later, in the spin zones of cable TV, commentators repeatedly made the point that there are probably very few voters — some specifically mentioned “hockey moms” — who could explain the Bush doctrine. But that’s exactly the reason we have such long and intense campaigns. You want to find the individuals who best understand these issues, who will address them in sophisticated and creative ways that enhance the well-being of the nation.

DOWD
The really scary part of the Palin interview was how much she seemed like W. in 2000, and not just the way she pronounced nu-cue-lar. She had the same flimsy but tenacious adeptness at saying nothing, the same generalities and platitudes, the same restrained resentment at being pressed to be specific, as though specific is the province of silly eggheads, not people who clear brush at the ranch or shoot moose on the tundra.

FRIEDMAN
McCain talks about how he would build dozens of nuclear power plants. Oh, really? They go for $10 billion a pop. Where is the money going to come from? From lowering taxes? From banning abortions? From borrowing more from China? From having Sarah Palin “reform” Washington — as if she has any more clue how to do that than the first 100 names in the D.C. phonebook?

-- a heartbeat away.... yikes

How to get to Sesame Street

2008-09-12T18:12:00.002-04:00

Wow, there's hidden meaning to the lyric:

Come and play
Everything's A-OK
Friendly neighbors there....":

Song for the day & the Joys of Decoding Broadcast Porn (When there was such a thing)

2008-09-10T02:02:00.009-04:00

This song has special meaning for me. Right when this video came out, I started decoding, deciphering, and unscrambling French porn from a pay channel called "ONTV" in Chicago, and it basically had the "look" of this video. It was awesome. It all came together -- a new interest in sexy music, an interest in sex coupled with a newfound mesmerization with moving, naked bodies in dark, muted technicolor. Only TVs from the 70s, still around in the 80s of course, had BOTH a "vertical" adjustment AND the rarer "horizontal" one, so you could basically fix the split screen image (left to right) and besmirch your mind in all sorts of ways, until all hours of the morning. It's beautiful.

apt13's descrambles

Then & Now (Every Now & Then): Two Vids with Perfectly Hot Chics Who Are Awesome To Look At & Are "GOOD FOR THE VIDEO, YOU KNOW?"

2008-09-07T22:54:00.005-04:00

Be in awe of one of the best rock songs of the 80s. If you don't like it, you're dumb.

"Ah Leah" by Donnie Iris

And this one? Well, wait for "fuck".

"Evil Once Again" by Black Betty

Ballast restricting puzzle muffler?

2008-09-07T22:41:00.003-04:00

No. Not that I know. I'm suddenly not allowed to have my own thoughts.

Nice poem Barva, you really hit the mark. You are the standard bearer. You really DO know how to make a salamander...........

None of that?!?

fuckle-de-ducks.

--- On Sun, 9/7/08, GBDH wrote:

From: GBDH
Subject: Re: Fern Worker
To: -----@---.or
Date: Sunday, September 7, 2008, 1:27 AM

Is that last a reference to a Robert Fripp tune or something?



Idsvilbarva wrote:

>
> Fern Worker, pert burglar. Maison Praline avec-Not/far/from-foolhardy
> pearl merlin hurler.
> Mazel Tov Coctail. Ballast restricting puzzle muffler.
> On a gone a git chee...
> On a gone and got a git chee, indeed.
> 
>
>

It's So Cold in the D

2008-08-26T19:32:00.001-04:00

Readers are required to watch this a minimum of 6 times:

Debra Bartoshevich

2008-08-25T11:08:00.003-04:00

Dear Deb,

Can I call you Deb? Anyway, there's a moist steaming plate of shit over which you can die once you've eaten it. And psssst, as a former Hillary Delegate now supporting McCain, you can saddle up to Joe Lieberman and share a fresh bag of dicks, great for dipping into aforementioned concoction. Ok, I admit it, I was always baffled by Bush voters, especially those who voted for him in 2004, but you and your idiotic lot take the fucking cake. No wonder the Democratic party dumped you as a delegate. It hurts to be dumped doesn't it? Well, cackle about that, because your candidate HRC ran a terrible, I would say evil campaign, thanks to Mark Penn (you see the recent memos, lady?). And you call yourself a "self-respecting woman"? Deb, I hope you live to see your stupid ugly children suffer in the world you helped to make if McCain steals this one. Fuck you.

Thanks!
GBDH

SunnyD[ick]

2008-08-20T03:20:00.007-04:00

Man, I'm thirsty for a drink of Sunny D, bloggers beverage of choice:

I mean, I just wanna grab this drink and drink it:

I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT THAT IS WHAT I FUCKING WANT TO DO. I WANT TO FUCKING DRINK THIS DRINK FUCKING.

[so does Apt13, who supplied these fucking lovely drawings on his boss's time]

Boo, I'm back, and Ready for Halloween. Check out the descriptions of these lovely products, and click on the links if you daaaaaare

2008-08-19T21:17:00.003-04:00

BOBBED WIRE PROP
This is a brand new design. This guy has been ripped in half then chained to a pole with sections of his skin being pulled by barbed wire. His arms, face, stomach are all barbed wired. This is a life size torso. When hung it's one big prop.

BLOOD SOAKED FEMALE VICTIM
Head is severed and eyes are ripped out and her wrists are slit. She is suspended with exposed bone in her wrists. She's gutted and carved to her leg bones. Height is 5'7 " tall.

BAGGED AND KICKING
Tortured Hanging man trashes violently in a sit up position while screaming and being eaten by rats while covered with a burlap bag. Life Sized Animatronic comes with hanging chains, character with burlap bag and rats, motion sensor, controller, sound system with rat and man screaming sounds.

SHOTGUN BLAST JUMPER
Ahh… there is nothing like a fresh kill, unfortunately it will be you. Splattered man sits hunched over with brains exposed and plenty of them strewn about. Shotgun Blast starts to trash violently in a hunched over position and then sits up quickly, he then screams and jumps up to a standing position with his shotgun in his hand. Life Sized Animatronic comes with chair, motion sensor, character, controller and sound system with sound of man screaming.

BOUND
This Bound corpse will stop them in their tracks. Well constructed, she can sit as shown, stand upright using stand or be laid on a bed or table. Arms and legs are semi-poseable and the best feature of this gal is her dead stare. Lifelike ripped out eyes she looks so real. You get all seen here. The corpse, the bound rope and bound mouth and eyes, ripped and bloody dress.

THE TORTURE CHAIR
Victim thrashes violently as saw blade and battery strobes. The Torture Chair comes complete with Buzz Saw with Strobe light, Battery with Battery Cables and strobe light. Pail, Full Life-sized Body and Torture Chair with Head rest with nails with flesh hanging off. This uncomfortable to watch animatronic is made with Lifelike details.

And for the dogXlovers....

K-9 CORPSE PROP
Life size large bone dog corpse with stand. This Decayed Dog Features layers of gory detail, fur, eyeballs, muscle detail and plenty of exposed intestine.

Nostril vs. Tendril

2008-05-26T14:05:00.002-04:00

By idsvilbarva, guest blogger

One envelops odors and aromas while serving an important aesthetic purpose for the outer appearance of the nose.

One wraps itself around other objects for structural support in order to grow and expand its reach. Its aesthetic is the spiral pattern sometimes found in nature.

We report. You decide.

Excitement Eggs: Or, Why "Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" Sucks

2008-05-26T13:53:00.004-04:00

By the guest blogger, world's greatest DAD

MASSIVE THUMBS-DOWN. I just back from seeing this in England, where I essentially paid $20 to get in. I got some bad news, me droogies: I think Lucas had A LOT to to do with the script. LOTS. There's never any real sense of danger, there's no chemistry between him & marion (very disappointing that -- he shows up and she's all google-eyed), there's no tension bewteen him and Ilsa, she-wolf of the KGB, and the whole thing is a lot of misplaced sarcasms, anachronisms, and pater famili-ar apologetics. & etc & etc.

Of course he did manage to leave in the problematic representation of Otherness.

LUCAS = FAIL. I am no longer excited about Clone Wars and have decided to put all my excitement-eggs into two baskets: Batman and Hellboy2 --and most of that is going into Hellboy.

2. So, you retort, "'Crystal Skull' isn't all that bad. You're just nostalgic for the first one and you set up impossible expectations".

I defy anyone to watch Raiders and then immediately watch this one and tell me that the first one isn't a superior product. It doesn't matter if it--Raiders-- had plot holes or a silly story; the script worked and the actors were convincing and had chemistry and the effects were a pleasure and the photography/camera work was thrilling and fit the tone of the story and the overall effect was fun and scary and refreshing. the new one accomplishes none of those things: the performances are flat, the script is hokey, the effects are transparent and the whole thing looks like it was phoned in.

Just b/c the film is dripping w/ nostalgia for a time long dead doesn't mean that any critical account of that film is guilty of the same historical subjectivity... Crystal Skull is just plain bad film-making from a team of creators from whom we should expect more (He's Spielberg for Godssake! he can handle character!)

Super Tuesday, volume II

2008-05-20T10:11:00.004-04:00

NYT reports:

“Mr. Obama is expected to win the primary in Oregon, a largely white state with a fairly liberal Democratic base, while Mrs. Clinton is expected to win in Kentucky, which has a strong working-class vote,” and um, errrrr, also “a largely white state,” yes?

Hmmm. So both states have large white populations. Hmmm, what’s the difference between them? “Mrs. Clinton won a commanding victory last Tuesday in neighboring West Virginia, where racial considerations emerged as an unusually evident factor for some Democratic voters, according to exit polls.” Is that what they are calling RACISM now? “Racial considerations”? OK.

“Clinton advisers add that they believe race was a relatively small factor in the West Virginia vote.” HAH! Of course they say that. It’s their brand of Clinton Racism I spoke about earlier, which has one part cynicism, two parts stupidity, and a dash of Roveian strategy.

“. . . and this is nowhere near over,” says HRC.

God almighty. Woman, STOP THE MADNESS. But no....

Old white ladies of America! UNITE!!!

Dumb White Voters: Racism in Klinton Kuntry

2008-05-16T11:53:00.002-04:00

Wow. This article from the Washington Post both shocks and fails to surprise. The level of retrograde, troglodyte idiocy in Indiana is truly astounding. I thought West Virginia (gaaaaaay) had taken the cake, but Indiana leaves the cake of that "wild and wonderful" state out in the rain:

In Muncie, a factory town in the east-central part of Indiana, Ross and her cohorts were soliciting support for Obama at malls, on street corners and in a Wal-Mart parking lot, and they ran into "a horrible response," as Ross put it, a level of anti-black sentiment that none of them had anticipated. "The first person I encountered was like, 'I'll never vote for a black person,' " recalled Ross, who is white and just turned 20. "People just weren't receptive."

But it gets way worse:

Victoria Switzer, a retired social studies teacher, was on phone-bank duty one night during the Pennsylvania primary campaign. One night was all she could take: "It wasn't pretty." She made 60 calls to prospective voters in Susquehanna County, her home county, which is 98 percent white. The responses were dispiriting. One caller, Switzer remembers, said he couldn't possibly vote for Obama and concluded: "Hang that darky from a tree!"

Documentary filmmaker Rory Kennedy, the daughter of the late Robert F. Kennedy, said she, too, came across "a lot of racism" when campaigning for Obama in Pennsylvania. One Pittsburgh union organizer told her he would not vote for Obama because he is black, and a white voter, she said, offered this frank reason for not backing Obama: "White people look out for white people, and black people look out for black people."

And then there’s this:

On Election Day in Kokomo, a group of black high school students were holding up Obama signs along U.S. 31, a major thoroughfare. As drivers cruised by, a number of them rolled down their windows and yelled out a common racial slur for African Americans, according to Obama campaign staffers. Frederick Murrell, a black Kokomo High School senior, was not there but heard what happened. He was more disappointed than surprised. During his own canvassing for Obama, Murrell said, he had "a lot of doors slammed" in his face. But taunting teenagers on a busy commercial strip in broad daylight? "I was very shocked at first," Murrell said. "Then again, I wasn't, because we have a lot of racism here."

And it goes on and on. Here’s some choice words from a CIVIC OFFICIAL in Pennsylvania, that other great “Clinton” state in which Billary (worth $109 Million) tried their darndest to stir up class and racial resentment:

In a letter to the editor published in a local paper, Tunkhannock Borough Mayor Norm Ball explained his support of Hillary Clinton this way: "Barack Hussein Obama and all of his talk will do nothing for our country. There is so much that people don't know about his upbringing in the Muslim world. His stepfather was a radical Muslim and the ranting of his minister against the white America, you can't convince me that some of that didn't rub off on him. No, I want a president that will salute our flag, and put their hand on the Bible when they take the oath of office."

Here is the address, phone number, and email address of balless Norm Ball. Write him:

Tunkhannock Borough
126 Warren Street
Tunkhannock PA 18657
(570) 836-1548

tunkboro@ptd.net

Or -- NEW!!! -- use the online form here and let him personally know that you donate to GOLDBLACKDEVILHUSSEINHEAD and will "fight" to the very bitter end for Dalton Hatfield to get his bike and X-box back from the clutches of the MONSTER. (Psssssst, make sure to attend the rally for Dalton next Saturday; location, t.b.a., but word on the street is that it's to be held at the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum.) You can even send him this form letter (just copy it directly into the text field using your mouse cursor ma gig):

Dear Mister Norman Bates I mean Ball (Get it? “Ball”?),

I am an Elite Member (Verified) of GOLDBLACKDEVILHUSSEINHEAD. I am writing to demand that you immediately resign from the position of Mayor upon receipt of this letter. I give money to GOLDBLACKDEVILHUSSEINHEAD and have been told that you are stupid. Stop leaving messages on my answering machine you fatso.

Thank you,

_____________.

Finally, like Josh (gaaaaaay) from the previous post, we have this denier:

Aaron Roe, 23, was mowing lawns at a local cemetery recently, lamenting his $8-an-hour job with no benefits. He had earned a community college degree as an industrial electrician, but learned there was no electrical work to be found for someone with his experience, which is to say none. Politics wasn't on his mind; frustration was. If he were to vote, it would not be for Obama, he said. "I just got a funny feeling about him," Roe said, a feeling he couldn't specify, except to say race wasn't a part of it. "Race ain't nothing," said Roe, who is white. "It's how they're going to help the country."

It’s still cool that Obama nearly took Indiana -- clearly, not with the help of these morons. What a great big tent you got there, Hillary Clinton. Or are you just happy to see me?

West Virginia is Gay! (Part Deux): No Interviews Please!

2008-05-15T11:33:00.007-04:00

Here are some gems from last night's Daily Show, answering the question,

"Why was West Virginia so heavily behind one particular candidate?"

"Something approaching an aversion for Barack Obama. He's simply not their kind of guy."

"I'm sorta scared of the other race....."

"He's muslim and that has a lot to do with it" (at 2:21).

With the prize going to this chud (at 2:23):

"I don't like the Hussein thing. I've had enough of Hussein."

You know, that "thing...." Uh, that "Hussein thing". Nobody likes the Hussein thing! Ew!

Goodness golly.

. . . and poor Dalton Hatfield, who walks to school and to home again, to NOT play video games!

West Virginia is Gay!

2008-05-12T02:04:00.004-04:00

Here’s a state I really admire, and which should definitely be viewed as the most important state in the Democratic primary so far, since it accurately represents the ideals of the American mixing pot:

West Virginia . . . has few . . . African-Americans and affluent, college-educated whites . . . . The state has the lowest college graduation rate in the US, the second lowest median household income, and one of the highest proportions of white residents, at 96 per cent.

The point isn’t that Obama’s got a snowball’s chance here. Rather it’s that Billary likes to stoke the resentment, feed on the inferiority, and float racist balloons for all the "white ethnics" to gawk and cluck at:

"Hillary is in this race because of people like you and places like this. . . . And no matter how much fun they make of your support of her and the fact that working people all over America have stuck with her, she thinks you're as smart as they are. She thinks you've got as much right to have your say as anybody else.

She really thinks this? She’s in this race for lil’ ol’ Ripley, West Virginia? You mean that butthole of a town with a total population of 3,263? Yeah right.

Here’s what the West Virginians - the “real” Americans who are as smart as anyone (forget about their low college graduation rates) - think of Obama, that candidate with the yucky Hussein name who's in clear violation of the “one drop” rule:

Most people questioned said they mistrusted Mr Obama because of doubts about his patriotism and “values”, stemming from his cosmopolitan background, his exotic name and the controversy surrounding “anti-American” sermons by Jeremiah Wright, his former pastor. Several people said they believed he was a Muslim – an unfounded rumour that has circulated on the internet for months – despite the contradiction with his 20-year membership of Mr Wright’s church in Chicago. Others mentioned his refusal to wear a Stars and Stripes badge and controversial remarks by his wife, Michelle, who described America as “mean” and implied that she had never been proud of the US until her husband ran for president.

Let these people speak I say! Let them vote! They are white. They are dumb. They are boring! They are . . . sigh . . . American. THEY decide the future of this country, after all. Ok, “Josh,” take it away, boy:

Josh Fry, a 24-year-old ambulance driver from Williamson, insisted he was not racist but said he would feel more comfortable with Mr McCain, the 71-year-old Vietnam war hero, in the White House. “I want someone who is a full-blooded American as president,” he said.

Insisting you’re not racist is like insisting you’re not gay (“I’M NOT GAY, I SWEAR TO GOD!!!”). If you deny it, you are it.

Josh Fry is gay!!!

Josh Fry is gay!!!

Josh Fry is gay!!!

Josh Fry is gay!!!

Josh Fry is gay!!!

. . . and so is West Virginia.

What People are Saying about Marquess Hillary "the fighter" Rodham-Clinton, Tah Tah

2008-05-08T22:49:00.003-04:00

Some Outcomes

ornovscot: I would not be surprised by her attempting to secure the vice presidential nomination, if she is not already doing so.

UsofA: Clinton has now begun using her powerfully placed friends, both in and out of the media, to float the idea of her deserving the offer of the Vice Presidency. She will repeatedly deny this, but I know it to be so. Additionally, and most incredibly, she has insinuated that if Obama doesn't offer the post to her, she will drag out appeals to the delegate rules committee on any and all issues she can concoct and thus, drag down the Democratic convention. Meanwhile, personal friends of Hillary Clinton, like Ms. Hilary Rosen (see her Huffington Post blog today), are being platooned to get out there and placate us all as to Clinton's true intentions. Apparently, a stake in the heart is the only thing that's going to rid us of Clinton's toxicity.

Houstonking: If the DNC seats the delegates in these states without any punishment, how is the DNC to control the sequence of primaries in the future? Besides the fact that Hillary knew that these delegates were not to be seated before Iowa, her approach feels much more about her than the party (again).

Tinsdale: The Detroit Free Press released news of a proposed resolution for the Democratic Primary which gives Hillary Clinton 69 delegates and Senator Obama 59. This compromise was soundly opposed by Hillary Clinton. The article states: “In a refusal that channels Zimbabwe politcs, Senator Clinton refused this agreement because it does not give her enough to win the nomination. She apparently wants ALL of the delegates in Michigan since she "won" that primary and Obama had no votes. Never mind that in violation of the rules, she was the only candidate on the ballot.”

The Ideology

StillIRise: This evening when I got into my car, I decided to listen to Sean to see how he is spinning Tuesday's election outcome, and guess who his guest was ... Lanny Davis! Not so surprising after seeing Clinton on O'Reilly and after a month of GOP's aiding and abetting Clinton's campaign with attacks on Obama. In the course of their conversation, as Lanny and Sean agreed with one another on every issue concerning Senator Obama and the prospect of Senator Clinton still pulling this off, they began a harmonious discussion about Reverend Wright; and Lanny made the comment, "Even though we were BOTH criticized for bringing this issue to the public ...," thereby acknowledging that he, whom we all know as the spokesperson for the Clinton campaign, was not only directly involved in putting Reverend Wright in the spotlight, but it can also be inferred that they (the Clinton campaign) were working in concert with Sean Hannity and Fox News to disparage Reverend Wright and Senator Obama. If anyone had tuned into Sean's program, and not known who Lanny is, they would have assumed that it was two Republicans discussing the Democratic election, both showing unabashed sympathy for Senator Clinton and her campaign, and unabashed disdain for Senator Obama. How can anyone still believe that Senator Clinton is working within Democratic values FOR the Democratic Party?

The Problem

k8k9: She may be saying to herself that if she doesn't win the nomination it won't be because she didn't try everything in the book. Only problem is that the book is missing a few chapters, including "How to Be Successful in Life Without Selling Out Your Own Party."

Beat It the Way of the Techno Viking

2008-05-06T00:16:00.001-04:00

W is for Worst President in History (Duh)

2008-05-01T16:59:00.007-04:00

Well, surprise, surprise:

WASHINGTON (CNN) — A new poll suggests that George W. Bush is the most unpopular president in modern American history.

A CNN/Opinion Research Corporation survey released Thursday indicates that 71 percent of the American public disapprove of how Bush his handling his job as president.
CNN Senior Political Analyst Bill Schneider adds, "He is more unpopular than Richard Nixon was just before he resigned from the presidency in August 1974." President Nixon's disapproval rating in August 1974 stood at 67 percent.

To all you fuck faces who voted for him in 2000 and ESPECIALLY in 2004, and were too stupid to face the facts, AS IF by 2004 you didn't have ample evidence that Bush is a fucktard:

FUCK YOU. I'M AM SO SURE! YOU VOTE FOR A BLOODY ASS-RAPING WITH A BEER BONG SHOVED DOWN YOUR ESOPHAGUS WHILE A LEPER EJACULATES IN THE FUNNEL BEFORE YOU EVER FUCKING VOTE FOR GEORGE W. BUSH, YOU DUMB FUCKING FUCKS!!! YOUR VOTING PRIVILEGES SHOULD BE FORTHWITH RESCINDED WHILST THE AFORESAID TORMENT IS APPLIED TO YOUR PERSON WITH VIRAL SPIT DRIZZLED ON YOUR EYEBALLS, WITH EYELIDS PEELED BACK AS IN "CLOCKWORK ORANGE," BUT YOU DON'T GET TO WATCH ANY TRIPPY VISUALS. YOU ONLY GET TO DIE!

T E L E P O R T E R (with Steve McClure inside)

2008-04-26T17:49:00.001-04:00

Mad Season - X Ray Mind

2008-04-20T22:28:00.001-04:00

I will always miss Layne Staley. His work drilled to the center of my psyche more deeply and searchingly than did Kurt's. Just the way it happened. Both are great. Layne is my boy tho. Let's go:

Awesome shit: Atlanta Highschool Iron Mic Competition

2008-04-13T23:50:00.002-04:00

Stick with it:

Female Flirtation

2008-03-31T18:36:00.002-04:00

Interesting article: students at Indiana University “were shown photographs of women and asked to categorise them as friendly, sexually interested, sad or rejecting. The male students were far less accurate than the females at interpreting the body language, and were particularly baffled by the difference between flirty and friendly gestures.”

The researchers also found that women overestimate men's ability to pick up on sexual signals. They argue that many females wrongly believe that the men are well aware of their attempts to woo, but are just not interested in responding. In contrast, women are very aware that males get the wrong end of the stick when they are simply being friendly.

Best- selling author Kathy Lette said the research proved that women are far more fluent in body language. "It is really confusing for women," she said. "The average bloke either doesn't realise that we fancy him until we are giving birth to his children in the labour ward; or he presumes all women fancy him all the time.”

Comments:

Jamesinthegiantpeach in the UK, chimes in, saying: “Many men would rather just ignore the signs women throw out than misinterpret them and risk getting into trouble. Women, if you want sex or whatever, don't play these stupid games, tell the guy I think you're hot and get on with it.”

Edward from London says: “The other way of interpreting this is that women are not very good at communicating clearly. The dysfunction in communication is generally the sender's responsibility, not the receivers.”

So what's the deal? I personally never had trouble like this, so perhaps men are stupid and can be criticized for never "closing," but let's hear from some women about this.

Hillary4U&Me; Or, Why Hillary Clinton is Extremely Eggy

2008-03-29T01:00:00.002-04:00

If you can make it through this video, then you are one of them. Go away. Forever please.

O boy . . .

2008-03-25T10:14:00.002-04:00

Movies Make Things Awesomer

2008-03-15T12:24:00.001-04:00

Dream Weaver

2008-02-25T23:57:00.002-05:00

I'm freaking out about how fucking awesome this song was, and is. Seriously. When I first heard this as a kid in 1976, it was like mainlining some serious ontology. Those synths really move the soul. I heard this song for the first time and discovered the universe, it seemed. I discovered loss, too. How weird that my ol' school friend James Bogdan got his hand nearly ripped off by some amusement park ride at the time, and THIS was the song I associated with that kid, my best friend in Pittsburgh, back in the day. Shit.

Then:

Now:

Michael Hardt, Empire & Multitude: Democracy Manifestos

2008-02-13T20:27:00.007-05:00

Just when it seems that there are no longer any big ideas around except dumb ones, Michael Hardt, an internationally renowned political theorist from Duke University, and his co-author, Antonio Negri, are publishing important books that are big in every sense of the term: Empire (2000) and Multitude (2004). In these works, they diagnose the contemporary global order and describe the conditions that can lead to its democratization, not from the barrel of a gun but through the productive and creative capacities that inhere in the Multitude - i.e., in us in all our differences.

Lest this all seem like Benetton multiculturalism, hold on. Hardt's explanations about our global condition are defamiliarizing, fresh, and sometimes funny in their yoking together of the wild oppositions that typically make headlines, if not the pablum of talk radio: the postmodernists are shown to bear affinities with religious fundamentalists; democracy falls on the side of war; violence is the condition for peace; and - yes - multiculturalism emerges as the best of marketing strategies. It is a problem that these opposites are identical. And for Hardt, the problem is that we are passing into a new age, in which new modes of political being that are full of creative and democratic potential compete with the new methods of state and corporate control. Their question is, Who will win the escalating tussle? Humanity or Social Control in all its forms? The Multitude or Empire?

Refusing the glib protocols of academic deconstruction (yawn), and endeavoring in every way to write books are that are readable and erudite, they leisurely sketch out the bigger picture that is Empire - their word for the social, political, and economic power of global capitalism. Think of Empire this way: If the older coercive forms of monopoly capitalism could be depicted in a 1904 cartoon as the giant octopus of Standard Oil, sitting on top of the world with its tentacles around U.S. Capitol Buildings and hapless minor businessmen, Empire is a different creature altogether, with no center, no body. It diffuses itself globally and rhizomically and constrains our desire to work, love, and live without fear. In explaining Empire, Hardt juxtaposes industrial labor and the newer forms of "affective labor" in the service economy (including information, media, internet, and fast food services). And it is here that Empire is shown to be susceptible to the genuine democratic possibilities of the Multitude, the total aggregate of self-actualizing individuals who realize the "life in common" through communication, collaboration, and cooperation.

"The challenge of the multitude," he writes, "is the challenge of democracy. The multitude is the only social subject capable of realizing democracy, that is, the rule of everyone by everyone." Of course, Empire will always proclaim to champion democracy but in practical terms democracy is its own "sed noli modo" ("but not yet"!): power is just too addictive, just as premarital sex was irresistible for Augustine. It is for that reason that democracy can only be put into practice by a "radical insurrectional demand" from the Multitude. On this point, Hardt concludes: "We can already recognize that today time is already split between a present that is already dead and a future that is already living - and the yawning abyss between them is becoming enormous. In time, an event will thrust us like an arrow into that living future. This will be the real political act of love."

Verify The Alternative (Verifying Alternatives then as now)

2008-01-27T23:22:00.000-05:00

This is a Super8 film from May 1986 that my buddies and I made (and starred in) for a project for Mrs. Beckman's New Media class at Naperville North High School. The same cast of characters, and the same protagonist as in Ninja, our other hit video, with which this film evinces intertextual connections.

This film was shot on location in McDowel Woods, off River Road in Naperville, and edited with tape and that splicing implement on loan from the top floor of the library. We all wish we made the film a bit longer. I distinctly recall being cast as a preacher, and I came to the shoot in my '78 Buick Park Avenue with a blue suit on and my hair completely hairsprayed down, but somehow the monkish theme became irresistible -- let alone suffocating and noxious, as you will soon see.

That said, it's fair to say that there's something appropriately surreal in its brevity -- all the way to its irresolute ending. Then there's the weird broadside at the beginning credits depicting some celestial irruption in the medieval fashion of a flaming face shouting at you unnecessarily, breathlessly, and extremely loudly from the heavens after coursing through the darkest reaches of goddamn where daemons and spheroids alike are borne in their inbreathed comminglings: it's come to say you suck, so smile!

Oh, I'm not sure why the sound is so low. It was fine in the original file.

Name the tunes!!!

What Obama Needs to Do (and Do Now)

2008-01-23T11:44:00.000-05:00

GBDH writes in to the Obama campaign with the following advice:

My brief suggestion to O: use the word "Clintonian" as a pejorative, and tell O to offer remarks such as, "Here is another Clintonian strategy of twisting the truth and changing positions. The only change in Hillary's campaign is a change of position when it suits the politics of the moment."

The point: "Clintonian" will merge Hillary and Bill in the minds of the public, and will evoke the worst of Clintonian politics, to which - I'm afraid - your campaign is succumbing.

Make "Clintonian" a bad word. Do to "Clintonian" what Limbaugh and then later Rove have done to "liberal."

I'm not saying be Rove-like. I am saying that O's rhetorical abilities need to be refined towards better soundbites and pejoratives to defeat the Clintons (PLURAL), who are too deft at floating smear balloons.

I honestly don't think you have much time to save this, and I want O to be prez. PLEASE DO THIS, and go O!

Clinton Racism

2008-01-11T15:56:00.000-05:00

Here’s the latest racist shit coming from the Hillary campaign - in the words of one of her advisors: "If you have a social need, you're with Hillary. If you want Obama to be your imaginary hip black friend and you're young and you have no social needs, then he's cool."

Or in the words of Hillary's pollster, Sergio Bendixen:

The Hispanic voter—and I want to say this very carefully—has not shown a lot of willingness or affinity to support black candidates.

So the Hispanic vote is the latest firewall for February 5: “In all honesty, the Hispanic vote is extremely important to the Clinton campaign, and the polls have shown—and today is not a great day to cite polls—that even though she was slipping with women in Iowa and blacks in South Carolina, she was not slipping with Hispanics,” he said. “The fire wall doesn’t apply now, because she is in good shape, but before last night the Hispanic vote was going to be the most important part of her fire wall on February 5th.” You can bet they will stir up racial animosity to assure the firewall is in place, and working. They'll stir it up by saying Obama's campaign is stirring it up.

Or in the words of Hillary:

I mean, who needs all those Civil Rights leaders when you have a President? Maybe racist isn't the word for this one. How about stupid? Her reply to the charges?: “Clearly, we know from media reports that the Obama campaign is deliberately distorting this. . . . It is such an unfair and unwarranted attempt to, you know, misinterpret and mischaracterize what I’ve said.” No, Mrs. Bill Clinton: you are distorting this. You think LBJ would have given a flyin’, flagellatin’ rat’s ass about Civil Rights if it weren’t for MLK. Do you? You think that the nation would never have awakened itself to its racist abuses if it weren’t for LBJ? You think that January 21, 2008 should be renamed LBJ day? Has MLK’s dream even been realized when you and you're campaign are talking this shit? How dare you go there. Man, what a fucking cynical campaign you have.

Combine Hillary's stupidity with her team's racist balloons floating hither and thither and you have a real Rovian campaign strategy. You're aimin' to win! And that's the point. The Hillary Campaign is taking a page from the playbook of that sissy fatXfuck Karl Rove, who says of Obama: "His trash talking was an unattractive carryover from his days playing pickup basketball at Harvard. . . . He is often lazy, given to misstatements and exaggerations and, when he doesn't know the answer, too ready to try to bluff his way through." Basketball? Just had to say it. Lazy? Ditto. Where's "welfare cheat"? "Pimp"? "House negro"? "Half breed?" What Karl, what? What do you really want to say?

I’m sick of this shit, and more sick of it from the Clintons -- all that crap coming from buttholeXmouth of American’s so-called "First Black President." EAT A BAG OF DICKS (with Ranch).

My response to all this? I’ve donated to a political campaign for the first time in my life, and am mailing my check on my way to the gym. [done and done]

Go O

This is war. It’s the soccer moms, blurry but imminently fuckable and strategically placed bourgeois redheads waving and “wooooing” and snapping digi-photos on TV behind Hillary in NH, and old ladies VS Everyone Else who gives a shit about history (and remembers it) and cares about the future of this country.

Come on bruthas and sistas. Get on board with this! I'm sick of this shit, and of course, stupid ass white people aren't gonna go out of their way to help you -- at least not Hillary voters: all the more reason to get fired up.

------------------------------

MORE Clinton egginess (1/13/08):

Her interpretation of the Tears to the White House ploy:

"I'm very 'other' directed — I don't like talking about myself.... For me, it's always about, ‘What can I do for you? How can I help you?' And I was very touched when that woman said, 'How are you doing? How do you get up in the morning?'" [Source]

Ah, ain't that precious. What this is, in fact, is Hillary absorbing the MSM's points about how Obama's speeches are oriented toward what "you" and "we can do," and Hillary is "I," what "I will do for you." This is a nice flip-flop, and another bit of rewriting recent history and robbing from the great O.

Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

2008-01-11T01:23:00.000-05:00

Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

Hillary Must Go Down (In Tears)

2008-01-10T01:08:00.000-05:00

I can't take it anymore. I can't stand Hillary Clinton. Goddamn her and her poll driven, equivocating bullshit. Look, I voted for Bill Clinton in '92 and danced in front of the TV at Susan Morgan's house with some of the readers here when he won the presidency. I loved it. But I don't love it now (and Bill Clinton is beginning to look like an asshole, but that's another post).

Case in point. The tears episode. Here's Hillary's interpretation of her historic pseudo-sobbing:

"Maybe I have liberated us to actually let women be human beings in public," she said.

Hillary has liberated American women who are now free to burn their bras and their burqas in tribute to her wounded narcissism and their collective, newfound humanity. Give me a fucking break. How many tears have you shed over your vote for W's War? ZERO. Why, because you are not human. And yeah, we're still waiting to hear you say you're "sorry" about that one.

Anyway, did you see the offending video? I don't want to see her face on my awesome rockin' blog, so go here for a look, and think about rule one of gestural analysis: anyone who puts their hand on their face while talking/crying/whatevering – as if they are posing for a fucking author photo on a book jacket – is FAKING IT. And those two words are Hillary's middle name, now that she's not expediently Rodhaming it.

Oh, and fuck you all you old ladies for falling for this shit and voting for her in NH. Stop voting with your pussies, and start thinking with your dicks, as this is politics.

Enter the Ninja (Kicking Ass then as now)

2007-12-24T00:14:00.000-05:00

This is a video from May 1986 that my buddies and I made (and starred in) for a final project for Mrs. Beckman's New Media class at Naperville North High School. This vid was shown at the end-of-the-year assembly, and even won us delinquents a prize, which we claimed on stage during Honor's Day, for chrissakes. We were inspired to make this because we all hated North, and were generally bored with life. If it weren't for Mrs. Beckman, we'd have nothing but eggy memories of that place. We shot this on 3/4" video tape, edited on machines with those rotary dials. Only the fucktards did New Media back then, and that was us, along with three others: one Morbidly Obese Soul who shot the football games, a one Bruce Dyker (the kid who got his ass kicked in this vid - by me - but showed us all a good many of the ropes), and one effeminate bald older man who may or may not have been a teacher but had some special room in the upper library with access to all the techMology. He was cool.

Of course, the vids by kids are much slicker these days. But that's because life is now so much more mediated at such a younger age, technology so much more advanced and handy (literally). Just check out the other samplings on youtube from this same highschool, which btw resembles nothing I recollect and seems now to be one huge fucking foodcourt. I'm about to launch into an "Ubi sunt..." about burnouts and the smoking lounge. I really want to say: believe it or not, for back then, this vid was pretty good.

I mean, you lucky 16 year-old bastards: you have online porn, while we had to dig up Penthouses from 1978 from the forest preserve and then deploy Gadamerian hermeneutics to make any erotic sense out of hairy pussy pics that the elements had rendered utterly unintelligible. We back then understood the meaning behind Freud's famous question, "What is Woman?" You just have no idea what it's like not to know what a pussy "is," much less looks like, until you encounter one in real life. On a side note, the girl in the vid was the first girl I ever kissed -- in seventh grade -- in Jim Morgan's basement during a spin-the-bottle party. She was hot, with that feathered hair. Nice ass too. But I digress, since thinking about highschool also presents the risk of infinite regress. Anyway, to close this sub-routine, I've more than caught up with you jerkers-offers, and I could still kick your ass anyway, so without further adoooooo, I present the long awaited-for digitally remastered (i.e., compressed and now more shitty) . . .

. . . 20th Anniversary Edition!!! (more or less):

RUSH IN RIO

2007-12-07T03:03:00.000-05:00

If you like Rush, or if you don’t but want to see a good concert vid, or if you want a compelling reason why you should like them so that you may fucking understand why they are the only 70s/80s/90s band that doesn’t have to tour in Viagra-Rogain collectives like STYX-JOURNEY-DEF LEPPARD to fill a stupid venue, then, Dearest Reader, by all means get the DVD “Rush in Rio,” so that you may understand why Rush still fills a goddamned soccer stadium to the gills with insane fans.

And yes, blame it on Rio. Holy shit! Brasil has the BEST FANS EVER. Honestly. Have you ever seen a mosh pit the size of a football field? I thinketh not. So imagine a stadium packed with fans celebrating the sound more intensely than they would a soccer game, over which they are already known to go utter apeshit. Get the picture?

This DVD beats all the previous live Rush concert vids, and it does so, hands down. It also beats all of the Rush concerts I’ve seen since the early ‘80s. It made me cry in joy. I swear to GOD. AND THESE ARE PEOPLE IN THEIR 20S! They were born AFTER Moving Pictures! They are fans. GODDAMNIT!

And so to the modern day warriors of Brasil, I genuflect before you and offer this GOLDBLACKDEVILHEAD <GOLDGOD> MESSAGE [XverifiedX]:

MY FRIENDS IN BRASIL, BOM DIA!!! YOU ROCK! I LOVE YOUR PORN, BUT YOU ARE THE BEST RUSH FANS IN THE WORLD!!! AND YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN AND THE BEST JIU-JITSU FIGHTERS ON EARTH!!! SAÚDE! LONG LIVE BRASIL AND THE JEWEL THAT IS RIO!!!

Hand of Doom Meets Fate in Ass of Hadrosaur

2007-12-04T23:11:00.000-05:00

Rule one on publishing articles about dinosaurs and especially about NEW DISCOVERIES about the dinosaur kingdom:

ALWAYS INCLUDE A PICTURE OF THE DINOSAUR UNDER DISCUSSION.

But I can be forgiving of any article that offers such stimulating and frankly rather profound prose:

They also found a second fossil called the "the hand of doom." The clawed foot belongs to a species of crocodile that may have been dining on a Hadrosaur soon after it died in a riverbed. It could have crawled up the back passage of the animal, went to get the guts and ended up stuck.

Wow.

Evel Knieval, R.I.P.

2007-11-30T18:52:00.000-05:00

I love the 70s for many reasons, and one of them is the daredevil Evel Knieval, who is now resting in peace, but who was the perfect real time complement to the awesomeness of the Bigfoot-defeating Bionic Man. Somewhere in that cultural mix, there's JAWS and the theme song to the Rockford Files, in addition to other popular successes and excesses of that great decade. It was the age of Ayds before AIDS and Ronald Fucking Reagan. I mean, hell yeah:

Knievel's most famous stunt was probably an attempt to jump the quarter-mile wide Snake River Canyon in 1974 on his rocket-powered "Sky-Cycle."

I saw this on TV, too. Fucking crazy. I used to play "Evel Knieval" with my friends, which involved riding our banana seated Schwinns with tassles at each handgrip up and down the street and doing fake crashes onto the lawn. This was just before BMX style bikes became all the rage, and only Huffy was making motorcycle-looking, black-framed bikes with off-road wheels, but otherwise, if you went with a Schwinn, you had chrome fenders and seat backs, otiose springs and spirals, and others sorts of ornamenta. You were cool (and spoiled).

Is there a youTube clip of the Snake River Canyon attempt? There is, but I happen to like this clip, because he's jumping over Mack Trucks. How awesome were Mack trucks in the 70s!? VERY AWESOME, and the move Convoy with Kris Kristofferson taught you this, and if you were jumping over those square hooded rigs in the 70s, then you were superhuman. Here's a mack truck a la Convoy:

And here is the jump:

As I said last year, EVERYTHING GOES WITH EVEL KNIEVEL!!!

The Best Song in the Universe II; Or, OK you pussies!

2007-11-30T00:51:00.000-05:00

The Best Song In The Universe

2007-11-28T00:02:00.000-05:00

Enjoy.

Going Postal

2007-11-21T19:07:00.002-05:00

This just in:
"my parents got this in their mailbox after someone knocked it over. no joke!!

::sent from my mobile::" :

[click image to enlargen]

Dwyer Residence: 11/20/07

~~From~~
US Postal Regulations require mailboxes
to be 24" to 48" from the ground and
no more than 24" from the curb.
I am not a damn Dwarf. Do you expect
me to TO climb my black ass down
from my mail truck, crawl on my hands
and knees to deliver your mail?
Please fix your mailbox ASAP.
Have a Bless Day,
Your Mail Carrier

Texas Man, Randy Taylor, Doesn't Know Where You People Come From And Can't Take and Feed A Family of Five On a Little 12 OZ Roll of Sausage

2007-11-18T18:08:00.000-05:00

". . . And they put it in that FUCKN pussy roll of sausage. Son of a bitch. Somebody need their ass kicked. Some little consumer geek-a-roid thought this shit up. Save money, yeah, save money, save money. Fuck, I wanna eat god damn it!"

-- Randy Taylor

Ted Hafer

2007-11-10T12:04:00.001-05:00

Ted, neighbor, rest in peace.
We will always have fond memories of you -
drinks with you and J after the Beck show,
handstands on the green at GA power on the Fourth.
Just saw you a couple of days ago.
We wanted to know if you carved our pumpkin.
We are sad to see you leave.
Everyone is.

http://www.myspace.com/pornorchard

_____________________________________

We're neighbors with Ted and Jessica, and are saddened so deeply to know we'll never run into him again. Last I saw him was on Wednesday. It pains me to think that was the last time. He was always funny, and generous to us in these random ways, like leaving some Grit goodies on our front door last Christmas. And once, while we were pulling out of our driveway, he came cruising up the street real fast in that green boxy van and came close to hitting us. Then later that evening, he left us a note on piece of paper bag, cut out neatly in a square: "[ ], I AM SO SORRY. We were rushing to get home, and the kids were revolting in the back. I didn't mean to cut you off. NEVER AGAIN!!! Call me at xxx-xxxx so I can apologize." He also left a message on C's voicemail to this effect, getting her number by calling around. There was another time when C was hanging her art at The Grit, and one of her paintings came crashing down off the wall, glass shattering and all. Ted was totally cool about the whole disastrous thing, and in fact, he suggested that they meet when The Grit was closed, on New Year’s Day, of all times, so he could help her hang her stuff. Incidentals like these -- and there are so many more -- led us to think of Ted as a sweet guy. In light of the funeral today, it couldn’t be clearer that he was hugely influential and really loved, more than we really knew. He had a goofy smile, as one person said this afternoon. He did. I’ll never forget it.

_____________________________________

Jhoon Rhee Self Defense: "Nobody Bothers Me" Commercial

2007-11-03T14:00:00.000-04:00

Sorry Democrats Volume 3

2007-11-01T17:58:00.001-04:00

Actually, this does not qualify for my running thread (which you can find here, here, or here) of Sorry Democrats apologizing to Republicans for calling it like they see it. But the following news brief counts precisely because we know that our Elven hope, Dennis Kucinich, will not apologize for his statements that Bush is fucking crazy ("oh chiiii-eeeee-yild," for all you GNR fans out there):

Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich questioned President Bush's mental health in light of comments he made about a nuclear Iran precipitating World War III. "I seriously believe we have to start asking questions about his mental health," Kucinich, an Ohio congressman, said in an interview with The Philadelphia Inquirer's editorial board on Tuesday. "There's something wrong. He does not seem to understand his words have real impact."

My only criticism is that he didn’t insist that the president is also fucking stupid, and scary stupid for bandying about the idea of WWIII ("I've told people that if you're interested in avoiding World War III, it seems like you ought to be interested in preventing them (Iran) from having the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon"). I mean, anyone who wants to speak of it wants to see it, and will likely START IT. The psychology here is similar to a televangelist who speaks about how evil homosexuality is (like WWIII being, er, a bad thing) but really wants to lick a man from the asshole to the glans in one continuous motion ("bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran").

But will we see an apology from Kucinich, who is a tiny man with huge balls and a hot wife? No way no how:

Kucinich said he doesn't believe his comments about the president's mental health are irresponsible, according to a story posted on the newspaper's Web site. "You cannot be a president of the United States who's wanton in his expression of violence," Kucinich said. "There's a lot of people who need care. He might be one of them. If there isn't something wrong with him, then there's something wrong with us. This, to me, is a very serious question."

And what do Republicans say?: “In response, Republican National Committee spokesman Dan Ronayne said it was hard to take Kucinich seriously.” It is hard indeed. The truth hurts, even when you assume that "wide stance".

The Randy Couture of the Artworld Speaks

2007-10-25T12:58:00.000-04:00

Date: Tue, 23 Oct 2007 09:09:47 -0400
From: Steven McClure
To: GBDH
Subject: Jesus

A dream- you had just ambushed my house to make
a Youtube video. Then later before the party I asked
you to clean the sink- and suddenly there is spaghetti everywhere
and I am yelling "you are CLEANING like a madman."
Then you say laughing "I am from the south can you show me your
drinking."